Never Enough
by TheIdiocyWizard
Summary: Shepard visits a memorial for those lost in the Reaper War. Oneshot.


The sun rose slowly over the western mountains, the clouds taking on different shades of pink and purple. The mountains stood defiantly as if trying to block the sun from exposing the ruin behind them, while the puffy clouds floated calmly over the desert, keeping a solemn vigil over what had once been a beautiful landscape. The rolling hills in the valley, which had once been green with life, were now charred, burnt and desolated. Their black visage was forlorn of any comfort, serving only to bring a sense of ire.

A lone 7 foot tall obelisk stood here, its white stone in stark contrast to the all encompassing black of the valley. As the sun crept over the mountains, as if it too were weary of facing the darkness, its light shined brightly on the tip of the obelisk, lighting up the valley around it. Much of the valley still remained foreboding, but the area immediately around the obelisk shone in an almost pristine manner. It almost looked peaceful.

Shepard grumbled at the thought, and read the plaque at the base of the obelisk.

_In remembrance of those lost during the Reaper war. Their sacrifice allowed others to find the courage to continue on, even when all hope seemed lost. Their bravery was the beacon that lit the way to a brighter tomorrow. They shall not be forgotten._

Shepard thought back to the fighting, to the years of pain and suffering that he and his crew-his family-had gone through to reach this "brighter tomorrow". He thought of Ashley, Jacob, Thane, Mordin, Anderson, EDI and Legion. He thought of their sacrifices, and how he couldn't have gotten to where he was without them.

Shepard clamped his eyes shut and clenched his fists, grinding his teeth together. The thought of EDI and Legion hurt the most. He had chosen to destroy the Reapers, but subsequently destroyed all synthetic life as well. He had, in a single instant, made Legion's sacrifice pointless, and EDI's development meaningless. The worst part was that he still believed he had done the right thing.

A rough, three fingered hand on his shoulder brought him out of his ruminations, and Shepard looked over to see Garrus looking at him, his concern easy enough to see even though he was trying to hide it. They stood in silence for a moment, seeing a sadness in each other's eyes that they never talked about directly. It was too painful, even if they were practically brothers.

Garrus gave Shepard's shoulder an encouraging squeeze, and then let it slip off and fall back to his side. Shepard shook his head and looked at the ground, trying to focus on something other than the pain of the Reaper war, but finding that the black earth beneath him wouldn't let him.

"It's not enough." he said without thinking. He felt drained, as if he would just collapse where he stood and never get up again. He wasn't completely against the idea, either.

"Nothing ever will be." Garrus replied with a sigh. Shepard heard a crunching sound and looked over to see Garrus digging a hole in the ground with his boot. It was a tick he had developed a while ago, usually showing itself when he was uncomfortable. Garrus didn't completely understand his guilt; no one did since he had never told anyone about the choices. He couldn't tell anybody, especially not Joker that he had chosen to kill EDI and the Geth. They would never forgive him.

Garrus cleared his throat as he filled in the tiny hole he was digging, eyeing the obelisk with a combination of grief and resentment. "All we can do is honor them, the best we know how." he said, then abruptly brought his hand up in a crisp Turian salute, a sign of respect he rarely gave anyone, including Shepard. Shepard nodded and saluted as well.

The two soldiers stayed that way for a while, staring straight at the Obelisk which stared back. To Shepard it seemed almost as if it were angry at him, as if it found his attempt to honor it pathetic. It knew what he did, and it would never forgive him.

Garrus slowly lowered his arm followed hesitantly by Shepard, who was wary about ending the salute. Shaprd turned to Garrus, who was studying him curiously. Just as Shepard knew what the digging meant, Garrus knew there was something more Shepard hadn't told them. There were no secrets between them, but there was no prying either.

Garrus smiled a thin smile that he knew Shepard could see through, and patted him on the back.

"Come on, let's go to the bar. Maybe this time you'll drink me under the table." he said halfheartedly, the attempt at a joke proving to Shepard that he was almost as eager as he to leave. He started walking away, the crunch of his footfalls only serving to remind him about the ruin all around them. The obelisk, meanwhile, continued to stand there expectantly, knowing that he could not appease it.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, knowing his apology wouldn't be accepted. Shepard turned and started following after Garrus, feeling like a failure. He didn't know why he had wanted to come here, what he was looking for. What he ended up finding was the knowledge that no matter what he did to appease the obelisk, it would be in vain. He could visit this memorial again, he could hate himself, he could even kill himself, but still it wouldn't be enough. Garrus was right; nothing ever would be, and he would have to live with that.

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><p><em>AN: For those who are interested, I am still working on the next chapter of CoaDG, and hope to get it up soon. Otherwise, please review this to tell me where it works and where it doesn't. Thank you.<em>


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